Weasel Stomping Day
by The Little House Scribe
Summary: Headmaster Severus Snape has a problem...  How does he solve it, using festive holiday cheer?


**Weasel Stomping Day.**

Severus Snape sighed in Albus's chair. He had a big problem – well, he had many problems, but this one was…well…just another one on his huge list.

Trying his best to protect the students wasn't easy when the Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws had reformed Dumbledore's army and were constantly fighting a guerrilla war against the Carrow siblings and himself.

"Albus." Snape ground out through gritted teeth at the former headmaster's portrait. "It's already hard enough to stop the Carrows from torturing students on a whim, and those stupid, brainless, oafish Gryffindors' keep antagonising them!"

Albus Dumbledore looked up at Snape, serene and calm, with the familiar twinkle in his eye as replied. "Severus, you know very well that the group known as 'Dumbledore's Army' is not entirely composed of Gryffindors."

Snape glared the maddeningly calm man.

"I know very well. But clearly they are the ringleaders. That Weasley girl and the Longbottom boy are-"

"It's good to see Neville gain confidence and leadership." Albus interrupted. "I am sorry, go on Severus."

Snape fixed Albus with a penetrating stare. "They are putting themselves and other students at risk with their ridiculous, childish nonsense!" Snape got up from the chair and began pacing, earning a smirk from Dumbledore.

"I cannot be in more than one place at a time Albus, and though I must admit that the gang's members can fight reasonably well, the Carrows go off and find weak and defenceless students to torture. Albus, I – I just wish they'd just stop this…senseless struggle. There is no hope in it, and they'll only get themselves and their classmates hurt!"

"Severus, do you believe that the Carrows would stop torturing students if Dumbledore's army vanished?"

Snape looked sunken. "No…no they wouldn't."

"You see, those…children…I suppose they can't be called children anymore…they've been through…"

Snape fixed Albus with a glare that clearly meant '_Get to the point, old man!'_

"They fighting for freedom and goodness, Severus. Exactly like you."

"That brings me to my problem Albus. I think the Carrows may have noticed oddities about me."

"Oh?"

"For example, I never torture students, I never downgrade anyone's blood status – not that there's much chance of that now – I'm just the mysterious, greasy bat that comes out of his cave every so often."

Snape sat back down, face pale and cheeks hollow. "Albus." Snape asked. "The Carrow's aren't bright, but every night I'm terrified that Dolohov or Rookword or The Dark Lord will pay a visit and they'll see that I can't torture the students…"

"If you are afraid Severus, by all means, flee, save yourself."

"Of course I'm not bloody afraid old man!" Dumbledore gave a light chuckle. "I'm terrified. Terrified that I won't be able to protect the children here."

Dumbledore smiled at Severus. "You're a true Gryffindor, Severus."

Snape seized one of Albus's old Muggle stress balls and hurled it at the portrait. "I am no such thing!"

"Albus, I need something to reassure the Slytherins I…share their…ideology…without harming anyone."

Albus yawned and closed his eyes. "It's nearly Christmas, Severus. I'm sure you'll find something to suit this festive time of year."

-.-

Severus Snape surveyed the Great Hall of Hogwarts. Most of three tables were empty, but the Slytherin table had quite a turnout.

Well, Snape thought. Time to spead the holiday cheer.

Snape stood up. Alecto Carrow sat on his left, Amycus on his right. Professors McGongall, Trelawney, Sprout, Vector and Hagrid sat to Amycus's right. Madam's Hooch and Pomfrey and Professors Flitwick, Sinistra and Slughorn sat to Alecto's left.

"Students of Hogwarts." Snape drawled. "You have peformed admirably in your studies over the past few months, so therefore, as a holiday treat, there will be a Christmas carol sung."

"Whut!" Gregory Goyle's blunt voice demanded from the Slytherin table. "We gouna be singin about goodwill t'wrds men and all that?"

Snape let out a low chuckle. "I assure you Mr. Goyle, and all of you…." Snape glanced at the less than pleased Carrows. "That you will throughly enjoy this Carol."

That statement wasn't true in the least. But Snape was an excellent liar.

Snape waved his wand around. "And a one, two, three, four." Instantly, festive music filled the hall and letters appeared above Snape's head as he began to sing.

"Faces filled with joy and cheer  
>What a magical time of year<br>Howdy ho, it's Weasel Stomping Day."

Ginny Weasley, who had been quite pointedly staring at the large doors to the entrance hall spun her head around so fast that she her neck should've broken and fixed Severus Snape with a glare that would make a Basilisk blush.

Snape pretended to disregard it, and sang along with a growing number of Slytherins.

"Put your viking helmet on  
>Spread that mayonnaise on the lawn<br>Don't you know it's Weasel Stomping Day  
>(Weasel Stomping Day)."<p>

"All the Slytherin girls and boys  
>Love that wonderful crunching noise<br>You'll know what this day's about  
>When you stomp a weasel's guts right out."<p>

Draco sung loudly as he wiggled his upper body to the music, looking at Ginny, who was clearly less than impressed when she noticed. 

"So come along and have a laugh  
>Snap their weaselly spines in half<br>Grab your boots and stomp your cares away  
>Hip hip hooray, it's Weasel Stomping Day."<p>

Most of Slytherin house had risen from their seats and begun to dance to the music. Professors Carrow and Carrow were singing…unwell, but enthusiastically.

"People up and down the street  
>Crushing weasels beneath their feet<br>Why we do it, who can say?  
>But it's such a festive holiday."<p>

Ginny's furious red blush should be burning her about now…

"So let the stomping fun begin  
>Bash their weaselly skulls right in<br>It's tradition - that makes it OK  
>Hey everyone, it's weasel stomping...<br>We'll have some fun on weasel stomping..."

Blaise tried to aim a curse at Ginny, but Draco stopped him, singing

"Put down your wand, it's Weasel Stomping Day."

"Hip hip hooray  
>It's Weasel Stomping Day<p>

Weasel Stomping Day  
>Hey!"<p>

When Ginny Weasley left the hall later on, Snape felt slightly guilty that he had put the violent attention of Slytherin House upon her.

"Oh, well." Snape thought to himself. "For the Greater Good, right Albus?"

A/N: I own nothing. Songfic - Weasel Stomping Day by Weird Al Yankovic.


End file.
